My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
