I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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