farters have to be the big spoon...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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