I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
