There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
