I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
