he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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