No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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