my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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