Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
