well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
