I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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