Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
