You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
