i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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