Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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