Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
