i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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