If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
