I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I cut my penus on the lid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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