They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You ate ashes out of my bong
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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