omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
