dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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