Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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