i used baking grease as lip gloss
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
