i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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