Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
