I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
