I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
