Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
