Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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