And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
