I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sober January is a disaster.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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