I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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