I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
