I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
