it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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