He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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