So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Found the puke drawer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
