pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
