I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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