You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
