I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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