4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
