I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
