If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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