I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
