If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
