epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
