My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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