there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
