just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
