Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
