Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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