i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
