i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
