You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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