Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
