He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
