seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize