Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize