how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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