oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The power of my boobs compel you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
