"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
