I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
