You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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