Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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