that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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