I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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