i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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