allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
