remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
