MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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