she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
