I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
too bad you live with your parents still
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
