So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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